Footprints on our Heart...

Today marks the 6 year anniversary of one of the hardest days in my life!

We had to say goodbye to our son, that I carried for a short time, but never got to meet him face to face :-(

I was 12 weeks along, and woke up on the morning of the 18th, not feeling right.. I made an appt for My OB.. They said the cramping and spotting was normal, and probably nothing to worry about.. So, I had Paul and the older boys come with me, so they could see the baby on the sonogram.. Little did I know what was ahead..

I remember that day very vividly.. The sonogram tech was taking forever looking at things, and clicking the buttons, but was saying nothing to me.. and then she leaned over and said the worst 5 words I ever heard.. "I don't see a heartbeat"..

My heart sunk, and Paul stood very still holding my hand.. we were both in shock!
A kind nurse took the boys outside of the Drs office to color, while my doctor told me my baby passed away somewhere around 11 weeks old( around Sept 11th )..
She game me instructions of the D&C procedure that was to be done the following day..
That entire day I was just Numb, all I did was cry, and stare at a wall, and sleep..

I remember Paul and I praying , and asking god to perform a miracle, and bring our baby back to life..

The Next Morning (Sept 19th), I woke up very early, and just sat on the couch in a state of Numbness.. I remember I was watching Little house on the prairie, and a Friend called was praying for me.. in the middle of that prayer I felt something drop in my stomach.. I got off the phone, stood up, and Blood began pouring out, and I was cramping really bad.. Paul carried me to the car, and took me to the ER..
The whole way there he was praying over me, and I was having contractions about every couple mins..

Once into the Hospital, they got me hooked up to Ivs, and pain meds.. I remember my doctor saying, what was gonna happen, and to not worry, because everything was going to be fine.. No.. Everything was not "fine"!

After I woke up from the surgery, she told me that, she didn't have to perform a d&c, because all those contractions I was having were in fact labor pains, and I delivered my baby.. He was whole, and tiny..
It was very hard, knowing I had labor pains, contractions, and delivered a baby, but went home empty handed :-(

It was a very difficult first year after that, but each year I have Healed, but the hurt never goes away!

Having a miscarriage is very difficult, because many people don't talk about it, and treat it as a taboo subject.. but in fact, it isn't!.. It was a very real baby, that lived a short time..

His name is Donavon Joeseph Schwarz..
We think of him often, and I look forward to the day when I will meet him face to face!
I am truly a mother of all sons.. I have 4 sons.. ecpet 1 of them is waiting for us in heaven..

I am thankful to my friends, and family who supported us during that time, and I am so thankful to My husband who took such great care of me.. I know he was hurting very much, but he put those hurts aside for awhile to be there to comfort me, in one of the darkest times of my life!..
I am so so thankful to God, because if I did not lean on him, I honestly have no idea where I would be right now!!

So, even tho I never got to meet this little person.. his footprints are forever stamped on my heart..
I Love you Donavon....